Sunday, January 16, 2011

I think I need a therapist!

I'll appologize right now, but this post is mainly for my own rant. Sometimes I feel like I can be my own therapist and solve my own problems if I just talk it out with myself. lol

So...It's Sunday night, and it's way past my bedtime. I have work tomorrow and I'm procrastinating on going to sleep as I dont want to hear the alarm clock go off beeping in my ear jolting me from my sleep to remind me to get up and start my day.... Oh joy, let the work day begin!

I love sitting at the computer doing mindless activities that fill my time, but that are relaxing too. One of my new hobbies is reading everyone's lap band blogs. I am completely obsessed and I cant get enough. I could sit here all day just reading and finding new blogs to follow. The information I get, really makes me think and helps make me realize where I'm falling off the wagon, and how I need to kick my butt in gear to succeed. I just got my fill on Friday, and I was supposed to be on liquids Friday and Saturday and mushy foods today. It's my husbands birthday today, and to celebrate we went out to eat last night with a couple friends, and I SWORE I was only having soup. The next damn thing you know everyone is ordering drinks and appetizers and all that food started to arrive and of course everything looked and smelled more appealing than my cup of soup. The next damn thing you know I'm nibbling on bacon cheese fries!!! chew chew chew.... GAAAHHH! (Can you hear me screaming at myself?!) I dont know what I was doing or what I was thinking, but they started to call my name saying, "JESS... EAT ME" everyone was digging in and they just looked so tasty and crispy with their gooey cheese and  mouthwatering bacon sprinkled all over the fries like confetti. This was a party dammit, and good god I was hungry!! I just don't know what came over me.... so ugh yah... I ate some cheese fries. I know it's not the end of the world but it just makes me questions my motives, and what's going on with my head. I feel like I am constantly going through a battle with my mind to make the right choices to eat the right way. Before I got the band I had all these rules in place of everything I wasn't going to be eating, because I made these conscious decisions that I just couldn't and it wasn't an option to cheat because of the band, and little by little here and there little things have snuck their way in.

So I'm REALLY having a hard time with food lately. I'm running out of ideas of things to eat to ensure I'm getting enough protein and veggies. I can do shakes galore to get my protein in, but sometimes my stomach just wants old fashion food! Of course carbs are always the easiest to find, but I need to keep myself away from carbs and sweets as they do enough damage just looking at them. Does anyone have any ideas for foods or know of any good food blogs with band friendly foods and recipes. I think I'm making too many bad choices when I either have too much temptation, when I'm too hungry or when I run out of ideas of things to eat.

Also, I just got my first fill on Friday and I forgot to ask how many cc's they put in. I've been hungry a couple times a day (not ravenous) but I cant judge how much restriction I have yet. When I start to feel hungry, I feel disappointed, like my fill isn't working. Is this normal?? My head loves to play tricks on me and I think I was just thinking once I got my first fill, I'd never be hungry again lol - Or maybe I was just hoping that would be the case? lol See how my mind works... I'm crazy I tell ya!

Well I wasn't really able to self-diagnose myself or have any breakthrough realizations to solve my own problems by being my own therapist this time around. I am still sitting here just as confused and a little frustrated about my food choices this weekend,  if anyone has any advice w/ foods or food blogs, please let me know.

Thanks again for listening to my crazy rants :) 


  1. Hi Jess,

    Not sure if you follow this one but I get a few good recipes from her site:

    Hope you figure this out, it is hard though, I know! ;)


  2. I was going to suggest the same site that Sandi did! Lots of good stuff there.

    A couple cheese fries aren't the end of the world. You just got your first fill, and most of the time, we all need more than one fill to get the band doing it's job, so don't beat yourself up for being hungry. It's normal! :)

  3. Thank you so much!! I will check this one out :)

  4. Thank you for writing that post. I feel the same way you do. We've had the surgery, and we expected to just automatically switch to good food choices and give up the bad. I'm struggling with the same thing...getting rid of the bad food choices. Even just the thoughts of sweets...I'm giving into temptations. I never thought I would be like this after such a major life change of having the surgery. But the sweets, carbs, etc are creeping back in. People keep telling me it gets easier. Once we get more in our band, it will help control our portions and feel full. I do have the's just hard to sit back and wait for so long. It was 2 months yesterday since I've been banded. I wanted 2 solid months of losing weight under my belt....not 2 months of me trying to have willpower to NOT eat bad food.

    Lets hang in there and hope it gets better!!! Deep down we know it will get better and we will be successful.


  5. I'm not banded - yet - but I get where you're coming from. I am trying to follow the "rules" - choose wisely, chew, chew, chew... sip, sip, sip... But, when I start nibbling and realize that I've nibbled FAR more than I should have, I get down on myself. I think that's the key - staying positive and not beating ourselves up. We'll get there, figure it out.. It took us long enough to get where we are, it may take just as long to "un"learn the habits that got us here in the first place..

    Good luck to you!!

  6. Everybody's is different but I don't think anyone gets enough restriction on their first fill... It usually takes 3 or 4 to really feel it. But it depends how many ccs they put it. i could continue to eat without going to liquids on my first fill but the second one knocked me on my ass when i "ate" a slice of a peach on the day I was supposed to do liquids... and i couldn't eat solids for almost 2 weeks after. Weird, but true. Of course, My doctor is very aggressive with fills so I had almost 4ccs on my first and almost 3ccs on my 2nd... and less than 1cc on my third... Some days I feel alot of restriction and some days i don't. It is a long road to get to where we need to be but I have lost over 100 pounds in less than 10 months so It's working... and I love it. I am so glad you found my blog... I look forward to reading your journey from the start now. *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Follow my journey at