I think I need a therapist!

I'll appologize right now, but this post is mainly for my own rant. Sometimes I feel like I can be my own therapist and solve my own problems if I just talk it out with myself. lol

So...It's Sunday night, and it's way past my bedtime. I have work tomorrow and I'm procrastinating on going to sleep as I dont want to hear the alarm clock go off beeping in my ear jolting me from my sleep to remind me to get up and start my day.... Oh joy, let the work day begin!

I love sitting at the computer doing mindless activities that fill my time, but that are relaxing too. One of my new hobbies is reading everyone's lap band blogs. I am completely obsessed and I cant get enough. I could sit here all day just reading and finding new blogs to follow. The information I get, really makes me think and helps make me realize where I'm falling off the wagon, and how I need to kick my butt in gear to succeed. I just got my fill on Friday, and I was supposed to be on liquids Friday and Saturday and mushy foods today. It's my husbands birthday today, and to celebrate we went out to eat last night with a couple friends, and I SWORE I was only having soup. The next damn thing you know everyone is ordering drinks and appetizers and all that food started to arrive and of course everything looked and smelled more appealing than my cup of soup. The next damn thing you know I'm nibbling on bacon cheese fries!!! chew chew chew.... GAAAHHH! (Can you hear me screaming at myself?!) I dont know what I was doing or what I was thinking, but they started to call my name saying, "JESS... EAT ME" everyone was digging in and they just looked so tasty and crispy with their gooey cheese and  mouthwatering bacon sprinkled all over the fries like confetti. This was a party dammit, and good god I was hungry!! I just don't know what came over me.... so ugh yah... I ate some cheese fries. I know it's not the end of the world but it just makes me questions my motives, and what's going on with my head. I feel like I am constantly going through a battle with my mind to make the right choices to eat the right way. Before I got the band I had all these rules in place of everything I wasn't going to be eating, because I made these conscious decisions that I just couldn't and it wasn't an option to cheat because of the band, and little by little here and there little things have snuck their way in.

So I'm REALLY having a hard time with food lately. I'm running out of ideas of things to eat to ensure I'm getting enough protein and veggies. I can do shakes galore to get my protein in, but sometimes my stomach just wants old fashion food! Of course carbs are always the easiest to find, but I need to keep myself away from carbs and sweets as they do enough damage just looking at them. Does anyone have any ideas for foods or know of any good food blogs with band friendly foods and recipes. I think I'm making too many bad choices when I either have too much temptation, when I'm too hungry or when I run out of ideas of things to eat.

Also, I just got my first fill on Friday and I forgot to ask how many cc's they put in. I've been hungry a couple times a day (not ravenous) but I cant judge how much restriction I have yet. When I start to feel hungry, I feel disappointed, like my fill isn't working. Is this normal?? My head loves to play tricks on me and I think I was just thinking once I got my first fill, I'd never be hungry again lol - Or maybe I was just hoping that would be the case? lol See how my mind works... I'm crazy I tell ya!

Well I wasn't really able to self-diagnose myself or have any breakthrough realizations to solve my own problems by being my own therapist this time around. I am still sitting here just as confused and a little frustrated about my food choices this weekend,  if anyone has any advice w/ foods or food blogs, please let me know.

Thanks again for listening to my crazy rants :)