It's been 1 month and 5 days since my surgery. Today I go in for my first fill. I have a plethora of emotions and can't exactly pinpoint how I'm feeling. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and a little upset. I think I'm nervous and scared because up until this point, my band has been so new, and while it's drastically restricted the amount of food I used to eat, it's still empty with zero restriction. All I keep thinking is I'll have to eat less and how will I handle that? What will I be able to eat? And I just freak myself out. Over the past month my stomach has been getting used to eating smaller portions, and trying to figure out the foods that agree with me but I am still fighting with my head to change my relationship and my way of thinking about food. Realizing how much to eat, and when I'm satisfied without getting disgustingly full are still so new to my everyday life. Part of me is a little upset due to the timing of my fill. It's my husbands birthday this weekend, and we're supposed to go to dinner with some friends and all I keep thinking about is what I CANT and wont be able to eat since my doctor has all his patients go on a liquid diet for the following 3 days after a fill/adjustment just to get used to the restriction and to make sure things go down. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, as I've been infected by "stinkin thinkin" (as my grandmother would say) But I guess I just need to remind myself that since I'm trying to change myself, the reward of losing my weight and getting healthy is so much better than any food I could ever attempt to eat. After all, there will be more birthdays and times to celebrate and I should just put on my big girl panties and learn to deal lol.
Thanks for listening! :)