Friday, January 14, 2011

Put on your big girl panties!

It's been 1 month and 5 days since my surgery. Today I go in for my first fill. I have a plethora of emotions and can't exactly pinpoint how I'm feeling. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and a little upset. I think I'm nervous and scared because up until this point, my band has been so new, and while it's drastically restricted the amount of food I used to eat, it's still empty with zero restriction. All I keep thinking is I'll have to eat less and how will I handle that? What will I be able to eat? And I just freak myself out. Over the past month my stomach has been getting used to eating smaller portions, and trying to figure out the foods that agree with me but I am still fighting with my head to change my relationship and my way of thinking about food. Realizing how much to eat, and when I'm satisfied without getting disgustingly full are still so new to my everyday life. Part of me is a little upset due to the timing of my fill. It's my husbands birthday this weekend, and we're supposed to go to dinner with some friends and all I keep thinking about is what I CANT and wont be able to eat since my doctor has all his patients go on a liquid diet for the following 3 days after a fill/adjustment just to get used to the restriction and to make sure things go down. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, as I've been infected by "stinkin thinkin" (as my grandmother would say) But I guess I just need to remind myself that since I'm trying to change myself, the reward of losing my weight and getting healthy is so much better than any food I could ever attempt to eat. After all, there will be more birthdays and times to celebrate and I should just put on my big girl panties and learn to deal lol.

Thanks for listening! :)

6 comments:

  1. Good luck with your fill! You talked about this not being the best timing, but guess what girl, that mentality is what got us fat in the first place!! Use this as a wake up call to learn that life cannot revolve around food anymore. It's tied to celebrations, mood swings, time of the month and a thousand other things. I say this is PERFECT timing! Learning to handle your new band in an everyday situation! Good luck! :)

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  2. Good luck with your first fill

    - I know I was excited and nervous when I had my first fill on December 18th - just take one day at a time, it is really amazing how satisfied you will be with eating less and how that will release you and give you a sense of freedom - so far the only thing I have tried to eat that "Nakita" didn't like was raw apple. I haven't tried bread because I have been warned by alot of other bandsters not to go there .... so I haven't... I can live without bread cause there are so many, many other foods I can eat. Just remember, eat slowly, chew, chew and chew again - you will do great! I am looking forward to reading about your experience once you have the fill.

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  3. Jess,

    I am soooo jealous. My first fill isn't until the 28th. I nnneeeedddd one so bad! I am nervous too. I watched a youtube.com video last night to see what to anticipate. It looked easy-peasy. Please let me konw how it goes! Thinking of you!!!

    Tracy
    bandedadventures.blogspot.com

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  5. You'll be fine, I am sure of it!

    That was the 'old' Jess and think of how many more celebrations you'll have because you took this chance in life to get YOUR life back...hang in there, I have faith in you!

    Cheers,
    Sandi

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  6. Oh my gosh... Thank you for the love and support ladies! It sure means a lot. Every bit of advice I get, I take and learn from, so Thank you!!!!

    -Jess

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