Tea Please...

Happy Presidents Day! 

I'm working today so I thought I'd post a quick hello. Now that I'm banded I've given up many of the foods and drinks I used to love & live off of. Water? What's that? I was a major diet coke fiend. I finally kicked my diet coke addiction when I was on my pre-op diet, but now I have a new love & addiction. Has anyone else replaced any old addictions & habits with new ones? My new addiction is a cranberry iced tea from Sonic (unsweetened). It's so darn good and I miss my caffeine from the diet coke so now I'm tea crazy lol. Well just thought I'd share since I'm bored and I'm craving my tea. Hope you all have a great holiday especially for those who are off today :)

The Scale is Finally Moving!!

After my last doctors appointment and getting my 2nd fill, it has really focused me and got me back on track. After my first 2 months of not losing any weight I was feeling very discouraged and had lots of buyers remorse with my band. On my surgery day I weighed in at 264, during the following week, I got down to 258 because I was on liquids only, but once I started adding soft foods back into my diet, I shot right back up to 264 and just have been maintaining 264 since then. Every so often I would do good, and lose a couple pounds, but then would gain the same couple pounds back if I went to dairy queen and got a small blizzard or something I knew I shouldn't have been eating. The yo-yo'ing just continued until I got my 2nd fill. The restriction has been so much better. I was upset at first because I felt jipped and I didn't think 0.7cc's would even make a difference in how much I can eat. My doctor wanted me on liquids for 2 days and then soft foods for the 3rd day. The day of my fill I was hungry most of the day, and by day 3, I can literally only get between 2-4 small spoonfuls of cottage cheese down, and I'm completely satisfied for hours.

This weekend has been amazing though. I feel like my attitude and mind set are on a different wave length and so much stronger now. I've made a conscious decision not to eat the things I know I shouldn't be eating. I've also been responsible and started adding activity back into my life. Yesterday and today, I thought I would get a good walk in so I took Bailey for a walk. My dog is so hyper-active, she runs around like a maniac 24/7  so she doesn't get many walks because I've been such a horrible/lazy mother. But since I know I need the exercise, and she loves when we go on our "walkies" I knew she wouldn't object.

Here's Bailey while we were walking around the lake

She was checking out some kids chasing birds

Overall just within the past few days since I got my fill on Thurs the scale has been moving and I've started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

From Thurs to Friday -1 lb

From Fri to Sat - 1 lb

From Sat-Sun - 6 lbs!!!!!

(6 pounds is this seriously possible??)

I've lost a total of 8lbs from Thurs-Sun can you believe that shit!? I just about fell off my scale when I hopped on it this morning. My 2nd fill was just the boost I needed and I have more motivation than ever right now!! :)

Hiding Out

Hey There! Long time no post ~  I have been super busy lately, and going totally crazy! I have to admit, I've also been hiding out. So much is going on lately with work, family, things  at home, that in turn I HATE to admit, things haven't been going to well with my band. I'm sure my band would work perfectly fine if I were using it correctly, but I continue to fight with myself & my head. It's funny how I've been acting like if I hide under a rock, all my problems will go away. I know I need to face them, and not beat myself up over the failures I am feeling and experiencing.

So all month long I knew I would be getting my 2nd fill done today on the 17th. I had a whole month to prepare from my last appointment and really get my shit together and get myself in check. Like I always like to say, "CHECK YO SELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YO SELF" but nooooooo.... I let myself slip and I continued to put off what I know I need to be doing for myself. I haven't been working out, and I've been eating terribly! and boy do I mean TERRIBLE!!! I also feel like I can still eat too much, and It's just been a constant battle the past 2 months with my scale and I am so frustrated with myself because this battle to lose weight is still so hard even though I had WLS. So Anywho... I'm trying not to beat myself up.... But it's still so hard! (Can ya tell?? - I've still got so many bad habits to break! lol)

So today I had my appt for my 2nd fill. I was afraid that I was going to be ridiculed and chastised for not losing any weight this month and possibly even gaining weight from my last weigh in. I thought about even re-scheduling my appt to give myself more time to try and lose more weight before my weigh in, but then I thought, God that's so silly since I know I probably need a fill.

So I get to my appt this morning and I weighed in... 268.8 - all of a sudden my mind went blank and I couldn't remember what I weighed in last time. The nurse brought me in the back room to get my fill. She was so excited to see me and said I was down 2 lbs from last time. I was shocked and relieved that I didn't gain! She congratulated me and said they typically would like to see an average loss of about 4lbs a month, but I lost 2 lbs and didn't gain, so she was very proud that the scale was down from my last visit. For some reason when I got my 1st fill I was so nervous since I didn't know what to expect, I forgot to ask them how many cc's they put in my band, so I asked the nurse this morning how many cc's I had in my band before she did her 2nd fill. She said I had only 1cc.... Immediately I was like WHAAAA!!?? And she said that was the most the do when they start out their patients with their first fill, and that today she was going to be putting in 0.7cc's... Right away I just felt ripped off, and extremely disappointed and wondered if this was normal or should I have at least a couple more cc's in my band?? I don't know the protocol for your first & 2nd fill, but after she told me what I had and what I was getting, my mood totally shifted and I wasn't excited or thrilled about my measly 2 lb weight loss.  I just felt cheated and as if that's why I'm feeling that I'm still eating too much and having so many food issues? I know it takes a little while to get to your sweet spot, and I'm only on my 2nd fill, but is it just me?? Is 1cc too little for your first fill and what about 0.7cc's for your 2nd fill?? I don't know why I feel so disappointed? I guess I thought I was going to have a little more restriction to help me with my food intake issues I feel I'm having. I'm almost certain now that I'm definitely eating too much when I think back over the past 2 months. So now I'm confused and feel even more lost. I asked the nurse about any local support groups she knew of because I really feel like I need to get a check on myself and be accountable for my actions. I don't like feeling out of control when it comes to food since that's how I ended up so heavy in the first place. If the amount of my fills are in a semi normal range, I guess I can deal with it, but I thought I was going to have a little more saline inside my band. I just dont know what is a normal range? How much Saline was put in your band for your first few fills? 

Like always any help/advice is appreciated... :)

Thanks for listening to my craziness lol

Prepare to Succeed

One of my pitfalls, has been a lack of preparation. I know that if I want to succeed and do well, I need to be prepared throughout the week with my meals, to eliminate the opportunity to give in and eat bad things. Let's face it, I've been heavy my whole life and changing my food behaviors has been a struggle, I don't expect to change overnight, but if I prepare ahead of time, I am one step closer to re-training my brain. So today I've been cooking up a storm. I love to cook, bake and look for new ideas and recipes online.  I will share some high protein recipes I love and have been making for awhile as well as a couple new recipes I just tried out today. These recipes are not my own, but I do tweak them to my own preferences, so I'm sure you could do the same.

I made these Turkey Meatloaf Muffins again today. This time, I cut the recipe in half. The first time I made these, it was pre-surgery, and I followed the recipe exactly as it's written. They were a little too spicy with all the spices it requires and having 12 servings of meatloaf muffins, I felt was a bit too much. I felt rushed to eat them before they went bad.When you use 2 lbs of turkey, your meatballs are rather large, so now that I'm post-op I cut the recipe in half and altered the recipe a bit to make smaller meatloaf muffins. I guess if you made the recipe as is, You could always freeze them, or if you have other family members to help eat them, it wouldn't be a problem. I personally enjoy fresher foods and only keep leftovers around so long so I'd rather just cut the recipe in half and then re-make another batch in a week if I want more.

Video Tutorial w/ Recipe for Turkey Meatloaf Muffins

Turkey Meatloaf Muffins

Turkey Meatloaf Muffins

Calories: 80
Fats: 2 grams
Carbs: 4 grams
Protein: 11 grams

Ingredients:

• 2 lbs ground turkey (or chicken)
• 3 egg whites
• 1 cup quick cooking oats
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp dried thyme
• 2 tsp black pepper 
• 2 tsp dry yellow mustard
• 2 tsp chipotle pepper spice (This stuff is spicy! You may want to try 1tsp even if you are using 2 lbs of turkey )
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp garlic powder (2 cloves minced)
• 1 small onion (finely chopped)
• 2 celery stalks (finely chopped) 
• BBQ Sauce (optional)

Directions:

1.     Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2.     Spray muffin pan with canola or olive oil.

3.     Mix all your ingredients together in one large bowl.

4.     Roll the mixture into balls and place in muffin pan. Muffins should be about the size of a racquetball.

5.     Bake for 40 minutes.

Makes 12 muffins.

Serving Size:
Women: 2 muffins
Men: 4 muffins

(Serving Size may vary for post-op's)

The next recipe, I cant tell you how much I love anything with cinnamon and spices that remind me of carrot cake or pumpkin pie. I Love these like a fat kid loves cake!! What's even better, is these carrot cake bars, are packed with protein and are seriously delish!! I use a really good high protein powder, so the carrot cake bars I make, may have more protein than whats listed, but they are so moist and tasty, I'm sure you'll fall in love with these. I've found that even after surgery, I am still able to eat these without any problems just because of how moist they are.

If you'd like to watch the video on how to make these, here's the link:

Carrot Cake Protein Bars

Carrot Cake Protein Bars

   

Carrot Cake Protein Bars
Calories: 94
Fats: 1.25 grams
Carbs: 10 grams
Protein: 10 grams

Ingredients:

• 1 cup oat flour (If you cant find oat flour, you can grind up Quaker oats into a flour consistency in a food processor)
• 2 scoops vanilla whey protein or your choice of vanilla high protein powder
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/8 tsp allspice
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 4 egg whites
• 3/4 cup Splenda, Truvia, or Ideal
• 8 oz baby food carrots
• 4 oz water

Directions:

1.     Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2.     Mix flour, whey protein, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, baking soda and salt together in a bowl.

3.     Mix egg whites, Splenda, Truvia, or Ideal, baby food carrots and water (optional) in a bowl.

4.     Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix together.

5.     Spray glass pyrex dish with non-stick butter spray.

6.     Pour ingredients into dish.

7.     Bake 20-30 minutes.

Makes 16 squares, 2 squares per serving.

The next recipe I got created from items I had in my fridge & pantry, but it was inspired from Shelly's Eggface Bites over at The World According to Eggface. After a couple of wonderful readers suggested Shelly's blog, I have literally been there every day looking for new foods and ideas of things to make. Today I finally attempted to make one of her bites, but the ingredients are my own as I had to use what I already had.

My Version of Shelly's Fiesta Bites

Turkey Fiesta Bites

Turkey Fiesta Bites

Ingredients:

• 5 Eggs, beaten
• 4-5 tablespoons of  Green Chile's
• 1/2 cup Deli Turkey, cubed or cut up small ( I used a Herb Roasted Turkey to add extra flavor)
• 1/4-1/2 Green Bell Pepper
• ½ cup Shredded Mexican Cheese
• 1/2 teaspoon Cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon Kosher Salt
• a few twists of Black Pepper

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350. 
2. Combine all ingredients. Spoon into lightly greased mini muffin tins. (Pam non-stick spray works great for this) 
3. Bake for 30 minutes at 350. Let them cool a few minutes & they will pop right out. 
4. Typically Makes 24 Bites..... Somehow my batch barely made 22? lol

 Fore more recipes and flavors, definitely check out Shelly's blog, she is the mastermind behind all sorts of wonderful recipes. Her blog has been so helpful, with high protein ideas so I don't get burnt out on the same ol' foods.  She has lost so much weight, and such an inspiration to me! :)

Just checking in & a small victory!

I've been so busy this past week, I haven't had much time to catch up on everyone's blogs or post anything myself. So today my husband went to work so I thought I would clean house, cook a few new recipes and prepare some food for the upcoming week, and catch up on everyone's blogs. One of the things I love about reading  blogs is all the info I get. I haven't really kept track of my weight loss too much other than remembering a few key points of weights I hit, and when I would pass a weight limit that I was always stuck at. I can remember the weight I started when I decided to get the lap band, and then I remember my weight the day of surgery, but everything else has been a blur. So I decided I want to start keeping better track of my progress and successes no matter how big or small. I made myself a spreadsheet to keep track of my weight loss from here on out. I thought it was a pretty good tool, and I'm sure I will be glad I did when I reach my 1 year anniversary. I also want to take pictures of my progress each month as well. I want to celebrate my journey along the way, and even though I cant see any real weight loss, I know it's happening. This morning I was getting dressed and I went into my closet. It's laundry day and had nothing else to wear so I pulled out a old pair of Jean Capri's that have been tucked away. It's been in the 30's this past week, and I usually wear Capri's in the summer, but I figured since I'm just cleaning around the house today, I put them on and was like wait a minute....what the !@$*... I shouted out to my husband, "OMG!! When did these pants get so big?!" They used to fit me nice and snug around the lower section of my stomach and now they are just so much bigger. It was such an unexpected surprise! :) I kept them on they have been falling down all day. It's funny, I used to complain when my clothes were too tight and I couldn't find anything to wear and now I am running out of things to wear because they are too loose.... Hooray!!! :)

I think I need a therapist!

I'll appologize right now, but this post is mainly for my own rant. Sometimes I feel like I can be my own therapist and solve my own problems if I just talk it out with myself. lol

So...It's Sunday night, and it's way past my bedtime. I have work tomorrow and I'm procrastinating on going to sleep as I dont want to hear the alarm clock go off beeping in my ear jolting me from my sleep to remind me to get up and start my day.... Oh joy, let the work day begin!

I love sitting at the computer doing mindless activities that fill my time, but that are relaxing too. One of my new hobbies is reading everyone's lap band blogs. I am completely obsessed and I cant get enough. I could sit here all day just reading and finding new blogs to follow. The information I get, really makes me think and helps make me realize where I'm falling off the wagon, and how I need to kick my butt in gear to succeed. I just got my fill on Friday, and I was supposed to be on liquids Friday and Saturday and mushy foods today. It's my husbands birthday today, and to celebrate we went out to eat last night with a couple friends, and I SWORE I was only having soup. The next damn thing you know everyone is ordering drinks and appetizers and all that food started to arrive and of course everything looked and smelled more appealing than my cup of soup. The next damn thing you know I'm nibbling on bacon cheese fries!!! chew chew chew.... GAAAHHH! (Can you hear me screaming at myself?!) I dont know what I was doing or what I was thinking, but they started to call my name saying, "JESS... EAT ME" everyone was digging in and they just looked so tasty and crispy with their gooey cheese and  mouthwatering bacon sprinkled all over the fries like confetti. This was a party dammit, and good god I was hungry!! I just don't know what came over me.... so ugh yah... I ate some cheese fries. I know it's not the end of the world but it just makes me questions my motives, and what's going on with my head. I feel like I am constantly going through a battle with my mind to make the right choices to eat the right way. Before I got the band I had all these rules in place of everything I wasn't going to be eating, because I made these conscious decisions that I just couldn't and it wasn't an option to cheat because of the band, and little by little here and there little things have snuck their way in.

So I'm REALLY having a hard time with food lately. I'm running out of ideas of things to eat to ensure I'm getting enough protein and veggies. I can do shakes galore to get my protein in, but sometimes my stomach just wants old fashion food! Of course carbs are always the easiest to find, but I need to keep myself away from carbs and sweets as they do enough damage just looking at them. Does anyone have any ideas for foods or know of any good food blogs with band friendly foods and recipes. I think I'm making too many bad choices when I either have too much temptation, when I'm too hungry or when I run out of ideas of things to eat.

Also, I just got my first fill on Friday and I forgot to ask how many cc's they put in. I've been hungry a couple times a day (not ravenous) but I cant judge how much restriction I have yet. When I start to feel hungry, I feel disappointed, like my fill isn't working. Is this normal?? My head loves to play tricks on me and I think I was just thinking once I got my first fill, I'd never be hungry again lol - Or maybe I was just hoping that would be the case? lol See how my mind works... I'm crazy I tell ya!

Well I wasn't really able to self-diagnose myself or have any breakthrough realizations to solve my own problems by being my own therapist this time around. I am still sitting here just as confused and a little frustrated about my food choices this weekend,  if anyone has any advice w/ foods or food blogs, please let me know.

Thanks again for listening to my crazy rants :) 

Follow up post :)

Follow Up from earlier today:

Whoo hoo!! I got my first fill!! I'm so excited :) 

Okay, so I went in STARVING... like O-M-G I just so hungry, I was ready to literally eat my arm off. Of course today of all days, I woke up hungry and had crazy hunger pains all day up until my appointment. If this wasnt an instant indicator I needed that fill, I dont know what would be LOL

The nurse calls me in and they have me lay on the table, and the nurse starts poking around looking for my port. I'm such a nerd, cause I didnt even know where it was. I've been too nervous to even feel around on my own stomach to find my port, I don't know why but I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about touching it and feeling it inside me LOL! (I'm weird... I know) I'm just glad she located it for me so I  know where it is now. She asked me to kinda sit up like I was doing a sit up, and prick! Owwww!!!! The needle hurt way more than I thought it would!  I'm not squeamish and I'm very tolerable with needles. I've always been the person who likes to watch getting my blood taken and watching the needles go in, but yet I was weirded out by feeling around to find my own port LOL Anyways, once she pricked me, that needle her like a mutha! Wowzer! Then they had me get up (with the needle still sticking out of my stomach) to do my x-ray. I drank the barium and watched it go down. She showed me my band and said everything was going down just as it should and at the pace it should and everything looked great! there were no signs of my band slipping or my pouch being stretched.... Hallelujah!! I've had fears of stretching it since my band hasn't been restricted. So she took out the needle and I was off on my merry little way..... Get this- The best part about my appointment... I went in completely starving and came out not even hungry at all!!! How awesome is that!! First fill done, and it was a success! :)

Put on your big girl panties!

It's been 1 month and 5 days since my surgery. Today I go in for my first fill. I have a plethora of emotions and can't exactly pinpoint how I'm feeling. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and a little upset. I think I'm nervous and scared because up until this point, my band has been so new, and while it's drastically restricted the amount of food I used to eat, it's still empty with zero restriction. All I keep thinking is I'll have to eat less and how will I handle that? What will I be able to eat? And I just freak myself out. Over the past month my stomach has been getting used to eating smaller portions, and trying to figure out the foods that agree with me but I am still fighting with my head to change my relationship and my way of thinking about food. Realizing how much to eat, and when I'm satisfied without getting disgustingly full are still so new to my everyday life. Part of me is a little upset due to the timing of my fill. It's my husbands birthday this weekend, and we're supposed to go to dinner with some friends and all I keep thinking about is what I CANT and wont be able to eat since my doctor has all his patients go on a liquid diet for the following 3 days after a fill/adjustment just to get used to the restriction and to make sure things go down. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, as I've been infected by "stinkin thinkin" (as my grandmother would say) But I guess I just need to remind myself that since I'm trying to change myself, the reward of losing my weight and getting healthy is so much better than any food I could ever attempt to eat. After all, there will be more birthdays and times to celebrate and I should just put on my big girl panties and learn to deal lol.

Thanks for listening! :)

Back in the Saddle Again

I'm sure the motivation to work out would come much easier if I had a huge dinosaur chasing my ass, but until then, I'll have to dwell it up from deep within. Before my surgery, I was a work out queen. We have a free gym & personal trainer at my work and I had full access to get the best personalized work out ever. I could go to the gym every day because I loved the endorphins and high I got from getting a really intense work out. The more sweat, the better! Ever since I had my surgery, I've basically been using it as a huge excuse not to work out. In my head I would say things like, "Oh I don't want to work out too hard and have my incisions split open" etc... blah blah blah... basically just a bunch of different excuses would pop into my head as to why I didn't need to work out, even if I wanted to take it easy and take a break from the gym while my body recovered, I was still perfectly capable of putting on my walking shoes and going for a good walk... but for whatever reasons I gave myself I just didn't. When I was on my post-op liquids diet I lost some weight, and as soon as I started to eat real foods, some of my weight crept back up. So basically I've been maintaining the same weight as my surgery day. Now my first fill is coming up on the 14th, and I know my doctor will rip me a new one for not following his instructions on exercising, and watching my calorie intake. So enough excuses, I'm just going to do it! So tonight I got myself back into the gym with a few co-workers and let my trainer give me a pretty decent work out. Anything that felt too hard or too strenuous to do, I was careful not to kill myself, but I did get in some good cardio, and a few light weights just to try and re-tone my upper arms. It's been about a month since I've worked out, and I already feel like some of the muscle in my body has withered away back to fat. I feel really good tonight, and baby, I'm back in the saddle again! :)

My eyes are bigger than my stomach!

Now that I’m officially on regular foods, it really amazes me how much food I’m able to eat compared to my pre-surgery days. I feel like I am going through this constant battle with my mind of what seems like a “normal portion” compared to what I am actually able to eat now. My mind and hand act in similar ways, where I want to scoop myself a typical large portion and then once I start eating, I’m only able to eat a ¼ of the food on my plate. It’s such a weird but great feeling. Whenever anyone overeats, people use the term “my eyes are bigger than my stomach”, but now that I’m banded, my eyes constantly feel like they have quadrupled in size, and are way bigger than my stomach now. I love having my band, because it’s just a different way of life now. I think the biggest challenge for my husband and I, is to learn how to adjust the amount of food we cook, the amount of food we serve ourselves and of course how much we both eat. My husband is like a human garbage disposal, so we're both hoping that with trimming down the food we cook and serve ourselves, my husband would like to lose a few pounds too. Not to mention, I don’t want every meal we cook to have leftovers for a week, that will get real old real quick! ;)

New Years Day... Starting Fresh!

Today was a pretty good day. I got a lot done, which felt fantastic! I took down all of our Christmas decorations, put away the ornaments, and packed up the tree. We had plans to meet some friends a a pub to watch a hockey game, but it was postponed till later tonight. So I took the opportunity and really focused on putting my new years goals into place. My husband and I had a deep conversations about our lives and where we're headed on our current path. After re-evaluating our lives together as well as individually, we have decided to make some simple yet major changes to improve our lives and it started today. My husband and I have really been on the lazy track going nowhere and have been stuck at this fork in the road. We've just been walking in the same place doing the same boring things and wishing our lives away just trying to get from one day to the next and always wishing for the weekend to arrive, but never doing anything exciting with our lives.We've just been lazy, careless, and have been completely oblivious on how to jump off this track. Today just felt fresh and new and when we discussed all the changes we want to put into place this year, we both actually followed through with putting our changes in place today.

Food wise, I was pretty good 90% of the day. I need to count my calories and stick to mostly protein and veggies if I want to see some progress. Today we went grocery shopping and somehow ice cream found its way into my basket. It's like I lost control and couldn't help but consume it, and before you know it a whole pint was gone! Before getting the band, I'd always get sick from ice cream due to being lactose intolerant, but ever since I got the band, it's like I no longer have lactose issues.... so I just went on eating ice cream, as if I had never had it in my entire  life... ugh whatever. I guess the point it, I'm not going to beat myself up over it, but tomorrow is a new day, and I will just start fresh again :)

Thank you 2011 for being gentle on me, as I still feel so fragile and new to this life.